I guess i lost myself for good now.. :)

I'm so sorry wenyi, you cant do anything for your bui bui. I wont be the real me anymore. I appreciate for what you have done for me for the past few days.. you, ron, jojo, lave.. I know you guys just want me to forget about the past and be as happy as I can. I'm so sorry to be the two faced girl tht you will hate forever. I felt so bad, for crying so hard infront of you guys. I could actually feel yr heart breaking when you hugged me and tell me everything will be okay. Even so.. I'm really sorry. You said that you will help me to find back myself, thanks for that bae :) but i dont think i want to find the old xinyu back anymore. What she always got was heartbroken, sadness, tears and more heartbroken. To be honest, if you weren't there with me, i think i might jump like the girl before. I'm glad that you scolded me. And to honestly answer your question that day, yes, I'm still nt okay. I still think of her, day and night. Still hoping for the impossibles. How stupid of me huh? What I want is to spend more time with you guys. When you guys are around, I tend to forget about her :) It's a good thing .. I think..

Today is the 7th day. I just want to forget and let everything go. i couldnt bring myself to throw deedee or the pictures, the stuff, the letters you gave me away. I want to keep this as being with you is the best thing tht ever happened in life. But the more i see them, the harder I want to cry. What is the main problem between us? What is the main reason of you leaving me? Yes, I sacrifice alot for you but why do I get this kind of treatment in return? Does tht mean I'm not allow to trust anyone to be my other half anymore? I wish you would understand, but what I wished is always a wish.